This is mainly for people online that need to know whats going on in my life. If you aren't one of them,feel free to ignore this. Other than that,it's a chance to vent. I need to.
Before you accuse me of this whole post going to be about that stupid picture fight,
it's not. That merely brought this on. Because you seem to think all my problems are online and my offline life is picture perfect,no problems,I'm just letting you know,all of this is about my offline problems.
Lest go back to 2007. That summer,my mom was in the hospital the whole summer,suffered medical malpractice,had 2 surgeries because the first doctor completed managed to fuck up a routine hysterectomy. So the second doctor attempted to fix it. We were never able to file a malpractice lawsuit,and we have standing bills at Fairfax Hospital that we refuse to pay because they,multiple times,attempted to kill my mother.
Lets rewind back to when I was 4,2001. My (ex) father left my mom,we continued to pay his phone bill for years after and went without child support for years. It took until a little over a year ago they finally got divorced. By that time,I wanted nothing to do with him and still don't. I've gone without him for years. He had his chance to try and make it up to us,but he blew it. The last time he called,it was 6 days after we moved to Las Vegas,my 13th birthday. February 19,2010. He called. Drunk.I din't want to talk to him but my mom's boyfriend made me. He wound up talking to him and Bryce later apologized to me for making me talk to him. That was the last time he called. He's tried e-mailing me,but I've ignored it. Now,he's trying to track down our exact location. Yeah,we have a stalker. I blocked him on Facebook a long time ago. I deleted his whole half of the family on Facebook so I wouldn't have to worry about them finding out where we are. We moved back home last year. They know that. They just don't know our exact location. In Nevada,we were protected. They refused to give him any information on our address and everything. In Virginia,we can barely get by with them not telling them our address. They aren't making him pay for anything he's supposed to,he's lying about how much money he makes a year (which is a lot-we've been to him house. haven't been in 2 years,by personal choice,but we know.) so we get about $488 a month in child support. For 2 kids.
Enough of that. You can tell thats a major part of my stress. He scares the living shit out of my and my brother. And it's hard to scare me.
Fast forward to last year before we moved. My uncle had a stroke. And I thought he was hard to live with before. He was in the hospital,found out he has diabetes and he has problems with his foot now. He yells at everyone. Yells at the dogs,the cats. His parents. It's too fucked up. Way too fucked up for words. So lets fast forward to the present. At the very end of the school year we found out my grandpa has a massive clog in the artery in his leg. Some kinda aneurysm. Not sure what kind because I've tried to keep it out of my mind so long because since the deadbeat abandoned me,he's been like a dad for me. Besides my mom and brother,he's the closest person in my family I've closest to me. A couple days ago,we found out he has 3 clogs in his heart. One artery is 100% percent blocked and 2 more parts are 90% clogged. It's a miracle he's still alive because we don't know how long those have been there. He has to have surgery next week for those and right after he recovers from that,another surgery for his leg. We tend to have an "able-bodies" hierarchy at my house. My grandpa first,Me second,Caleb 3rd,then my uncle,my grandma,and then my mom. But she does why more then she should,and she SHOULD be on the bottom because she has too much wrong with her. So for a while,all the responsibility is going to fall on
my shoulders again.
Last few things before you go back to accusing me of thinking the world revolves around me. (You seem to have me and my uncle confused.) In December 2010,I had a massive nervous breakdown because my mom was out of town and I was screaming and crying because I was tired to being the adult. I was being cyber-bullied-(and still am. there's 2 now,one used to be a really good friend of mine too...before the first one got a hold of her,they're who promoted me to write this too.) I had been for months. Relentlessly. My life was a never ending nightmare. I was being forced to be the adult of the house for YEARS. I've never had a childhood. I've had to grow up too fast. And my mom knows it and tries to let me...but it never happens because it's one thing after another. When something comes up we both wind up crying (like I am now) because it
hurts. Being a 25 year old trapped in a 14 year old's body. You have no idea what it's like. I don't talk a lot to people outside my family/online
friends because I'm scared I'll get yelled at. (A scar I have from being 4 years old and running and hiding from my uncle) I can't order at restaurants for myself. I don't ask questions in class. I had a nervous breakdown when I was being forced to read for our final science project. My partner was refusing to help me and one of my guy friends was the only one being nice,trying to coax me into it. The sub was being a complete ass. Another girl in class had to read my part. Most embarrassing day of my life. I don't talk to people unless they talk first,unless it's my best friend or in MMA. Thats it. And I can't even do my only outlet right now.
Maybe now you understand a little bit of my personal hell. Maybe you care. Probably don't. At least I care about your problems. I try to tell you about them sometimes,but once I got told "I hope your mom dies from cancer." By a cyber-bully.
I WISH YOU KNEW HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN MY SHOES. YOU WOULDN'T SURVIVE A DAY. (Thats just for the person who said THAT and invaded my safe-haven.)
